Oh, I didn't like that at all. I was ready to jump into Jeanne. They shoved me into me. Shoved me into me (Regina)?
[Regina taking deep breaths]
This is, this is bizarre. Excuse me.
She's (Regina) only felt my energy. And we've talked a bit, but I haven't quite squeezed in here before.
[Regina takes a deep breath and starts panting with rapid breaths for a minute, Regina is starting to hyperventilate and becomes flushed with energy.)
[Jeanne tries to calm Rick and Regina as the energies merge]
[Regina continues to pant in quick, audible breaths]
Oh God. Oh God.
Oh. Well, that was shitty. I had to replay trying to deal with the controls, and the lack of, and getting the shuttle back under control. And I couldn't.
[Rick/Regina gasping for breath]
And panic in the cabin -- and we’re trying to get our flight suits on. And we can't, I can barely get mine on. And the lack of oxygen. Oxygen!
[Rick/Regina continue gasping for breath]
It's okay. It's okay. Stop, Rick, it’s alright. It’s okay.
[trying to calm Rick/Regina’s hyperventilating and emotions.]
Just try to relax. Give that memory up. Let it go. Regina, let that memory go. Let that memory go. Be the observer. You're the observer now. You're just watching. You're just watching it, just watching, just watching. You don't have to go through the death experience. Stop, just stop. Just relax.
[Rick/Regina is still gasping for air.]
I’m trying to find control -- and I can't be in control.
Rick, step out of it and watch. Step out of it and watch. You're watching a TV screen. You don't have to go through that for us. You don't have to go through that. Just watch. It’s okay. You don't have to do this.
I'm gonna... I'm going to try. Now. I'm going to try and step back.
Jeanne: Okay. Just step out a little bit if you need to.
Well, I need to explain this -- where I went.
Well, sure. Just relax.
So, I'm being shown. And I really didn't want to see this. But at this point, when I was passing out (in the shuttle), thank heaven Scobee was there and he grabbed me, so that I didn't have to witness. Which is why I'm going through this whole (event) right now because I'm still there in the cabin as a physical being even though I've been pulled out of the cockpit. And I'm watching as the others now are slowly being jostled and are unconscious. Only two members have gotten their helmets on somewhat, and they are very insufficient.
And their heads are jostling around, and the neck is being snapped. Their bodies are being snapped and I'm hearing the cracking and the noise outside. And I look beside me, and I see Christa (McAuliffe) and Greg (Jarvis) and El (Ellison Onizuka), JR (Judy Resnik.) And they've pulled everyone else out. And we're all out of the cabin. So, we really didn't have to experience our death.
Our suffering was our panic, until we were basically asphyxiated. So fortunately for that, we did not have the "falling death" that the Challenger had.
I apologize for my unprofessional status (hyperventilating) just now.
Well, it's not okay.
It is okay. You did not know what to expect.
No, I didn't know what to expect. But I certainly didn't want to go through that again!
But I do want to share with you that all of the Challenger crew, and the reason why they are here today is to help us through this process as well.
Yes, there is life after life. It's just our body that's gone.
And the one crew member that really helped all of us through this, of our crew, was who we call "KC" (Kalpana Chawla). She believes in all of this, so she had no problem with all of this. She was the first to leave.
She said, "Enough of this! I know where to go."
So, she really walked with the seven Challenger crew and led us across.
We did not have to deal with the fiery explosiveness of reentry -- those last 16 minutes, where our debris is spread across a million acres of land. We watched, but very distantly. And we really haven't gone back to it.
We've been in each other's homes.
But mostly we've been in rehab, as funny as that sounds. It's a form of psychological debriefing on this side. Where several of us had to be trained as to what it's like to exist, but without a body. And even though we have relatives and relations on the other side, we didn't fit in, because we're all military. So, we joined all the rest of the military crew that had been on this side.
And, umm... we've been watching as everybody else is passing over too, including John Glenn and Kelly and Edgar (Mitchell). And, we've been watching and some of them pass through pretty easily because they're pretty accepting of this, and some of us are a little more resistant. And so, even though there is a timeframe of elements that is very linear, as you would work in, this accident happened yesterday. It happened now. It is happening now.
So, every time we have to look at it, we have to live it. And it's our way of releasing it, the way trauma is released, the way they teach in psychology or psychological processes and debriefing. You have to be debriefed. And you have to keep going through the process until you can finally heal the process and let it go. So that's where we all have been, healing.
And it isn't easy. Because we're healing as a whole. We're healing as a seven, a group of seven bodies, seven memories, collectively healing as a unit. And I'm able to speak of it because I'm going through it right now -- and still going through it and very obviously, so…
Excuse me, I'm slipping... (out of Regina’s energy)
Okay, I'm here again. This isn't easy. I watched them do it with others, I thought I could just do it. This isn't easy at all.
Because part of this is not easy, because she (Regina) has to see everything I'm seeing. And it's not a pretty picture. So, we're... we're really combining trauma with no trauma. And so, she's now going to carry my trauma and, and I’m going to be wracked with guilt for doing this to her. (Rick says emotionally.)
But they tell me she can... she can handle it. And she's... she's part of the process. And so... so I've been really apologizing, but oh my god, I'm so unprofessional. Fuck it all. Excuse my language, women and...
Rick, would you like to come back later?
I need to leave. Yeah.
Just step out. It's okay. Thank you.
Thank you for... for allowing this moment. My sincere apologies for the unprofessional nature of my person.
It's the human, humanness of you.
[Regina takes deep breaths as Rick exits.]